Goodbye Cat Pants, It's Been Fun


It's an inevatibility with all products. Eventually, all things go away; some times unexpededly, some times with great fanfare and a kick in the behind on the way out. Some products you come to love over the years. Others, you're glad to see them go and usually you forgot they were even there in the first place. Some products provide daily cheer and good times without asking anything in return. Selling them and buying them can be a highlight of a day, or even a week, for any average Joe parts counter guy.

The Alpinestars Cat Pants (recently relagated to Discontinued status and on sale for just $129.95) have been one of those products for the last three or four years. Pick up a pair while they are still around.

You see, working the day shift at the parts counter on the daily grind can come to wear on a guy. First of all, parts counters are greasy, worn out and full of stickers. Big greasy guys with guts looking for a Keihin carb jet kit. There's a lot of "Yea, we got that tire", "Nope, we're out of that spark plug", or, "No, that exhaust for a 1997 250 Ninja will not fit your 2002 Subaru".

But the opportunity to consult with a potentional high end client about the fit, features and merits of the Alpinestars Cat Pants, has always been a high point of the work week, not far behind Friday, 5 o'clock.

"Well, in fact, we DO stock those pants ma'am." I'd say, with a quiver in my voice.

"oooooo-ohhhhoooo great, Ihhh've been looking all over for these. So can I come down to try them on?", might be the reply, in a soft whisper dreamy fantasy kind of voice.

Then there would be the anticipation and the waiting. When the prospective customer entered the building, we'd be on our best behavior, trying not to appear like we were falling over ourselves to assist our distinguished procurer with a fruitful transaction.

The plain truth was, that it didn't matter whether the pants were actually purchased. The experience of selling them was always uplifting enough and, most times, the pants didn't fit most girls anyway.

Running a size or two small, the Cat pants tend to fit only a specific and usually imagined female figure from French or Japanese magazines. If you eat more tha one meal a day, or have ever even thought of having kids, they probably didn't fit. If they did fit, keeping them on would be a secondary barrier to a sale.

"Well, they fit, but I can't get the snap to stay" she would say.

"That's a feature", we'd reply.

Some things designed by men have intentional flaws that are part of their hidden beauty, just like the Mona Lisa, or a perfectly tuned race car pulling out of pit lane. Perfection comes with sacrifice.


slowinfastout said…
BWHWAaaaaaaaaaaa!! What a great write-up. Hilarious "That's a Feature".....
RC said…
Okay, so these came in the mail today! I am still trying to figure out what to do about the snap. I guess the ultimte test will be when I ride in them the first time! I just hope I can get these exchanged for a bigger size if need be. I should have read this blog before I bought the pants. I didn't realize they would conform and become 2nd skin. I was the one that called today... didn't get the name of the guy who answered my call but thanks for the laugh. ;)

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